well you can't waste a boner
i came on her dog
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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