I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
