Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
