Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
