ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
