nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
