I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
