Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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