o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
