How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize