I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I need moral support for this bender
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
