I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
my poor anus
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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