he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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