There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
