you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
