My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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