In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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