sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
