and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
