what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
