Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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