My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
