I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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