I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
