Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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