I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
