His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
