Im at strip club and am horny
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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