she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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