Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize