HIV tests are more positive than that guy
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize