i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
