you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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