I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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