ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
