I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
