You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize