the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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