I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize