Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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