We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
