the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We left the knife in your bed.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
