last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
