T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
