whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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