I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
