She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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