So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
