White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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