I hate all girls vehemently.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
