Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Bring me that man meat
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
