Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
