if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize