By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
