Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize