not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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