he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
