YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
