But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
