Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
