He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
