He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
