is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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