he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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