Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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