Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
