btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
