Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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