i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Pants are for mortals
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
