there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
