So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
