Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
